i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
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I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
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My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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