This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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