his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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