Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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