Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize