Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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