I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
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It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
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You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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