I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize