anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize