i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
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The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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