Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
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Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
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Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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