Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
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its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
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i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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