you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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