guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize