M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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