I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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