is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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