Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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