Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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