dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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