happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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