Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
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She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
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Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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