sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
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I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
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Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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