so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
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Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
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When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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