I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize