Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
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She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
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I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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