cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize