I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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