I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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