At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
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Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
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All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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