If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
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He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
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On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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