I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Even my vagina gasped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize