fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
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I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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