This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize