I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
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Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
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This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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