sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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