Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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