I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize