so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
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Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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