so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize