im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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