Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
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Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
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Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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