I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize