Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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