She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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