Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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