I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I accidentally burped into my bong.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Two words: blizzard sex
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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