i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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