her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
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guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
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You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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