WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
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The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
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How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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