You're a womanizer and a bitch.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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